Self-care isn’t always soft. Sometimes it’s honest, uncomfortable, and necessary. This reflection explores that tension; it is not performative, but practical and grounding.
Self care here, there and everywhere. It's always the same nonsense though isn't it. Just look after yourself, obviously!
I've went through the self- neglect and personal abandonment; been totally caught up in my head and feelings. I searched everywhere when I didn't know where to go or how to get better.
But I can confirm that self care is unique to everyone. The clue is in the name. Self care.
Who knows how to take care of you better than you? Sometimes it takes practice and time in reflection to realise and remember who you are though.
That's okay - it's very human to get overwhelmed when our feelings get big and we don't know how to deal with them.
So, what if you're in the pits of anxiety or depression and have literally forgotten what self care means to you, though? Umpteen of those posts wont help, will they?
You may be feeling drained and the bare minimum seems overwhelming. That's okay, gentle baby steps forward, remember?
Make a note of what the bare minimum is to you right now. That might change in a few days, next week. Maybe even tomorrow, who knows? Write it down. For example:
Top 3 simple self care tasks:
- Get out of bed
- Brush teeth
- Change clothes
Tick them off each time and that can be considered your win for the day. Tomorrow, or in a few days when you feel up to it: change it up, add a bath or shower to that list.
Listen to your own body. What do you need right now? Gradually build upon it from there! There is no rush, patience with yourself comes with practice.
And vice versa - practicing to take care of yourself builds patience and momentum to add more tasks to your lists.
There is absolutely no point in going all in; creating a detailed list of things and then struggling to complete even two.
You're not trying to guilt trip yourself. You're focusing on learning to take care of yourself again.
But a strong suggestion from experience? Laying in the bath and then getting out cleaner is much more refreshing and does more for the mind (and motivation) than just changing clothes.
Plus, while your in the bathroom; you might as well brush your hair and teeth while your there, no?
Consider zoning your energy.
So, the above three happen in the bathroom and bedroom. What other things could you do in those spaces to take care of yourself?
Build up momentum gently.
Building Momentum:
- Get out of bed, pick out clothes or fresh pjs
- Go for a shower or bath (while in the bathroom) Brush teeth and apply moisturiser
- (back into the bedroom) Change clothes or pjs and brush hair, if energy is still available; blow dry and style.
Do you see how those three simple tasks became seven+?
You don't need to partake in all of them; that's just a personal hygiene example to show you.
Self care isn't all just personal hygiene though. That's just the basics, then other bits can be built up as you learn more about yourself.
Consider what you liked to do as a child. Start there, try out new things and find what makes you feel comfortable, calm and loved.
No one can tell you definitively what self care is. You choose your own self care, you just need a little push to see what makes you feel cared for.
Bonus: Optional Self Care Ideas to Build
- a relaxing bath with a facemask and bubbles
- a walk solo among the trees or by the water
- journaling as often as you fancy
- spend a few hours colouring or doodling
- spend a few hours building lego.
- delete old photos, connections and clear out things you don't need or use anymore.
- a list of abandon - seriously and literally, a list of things you don't need to worry about and can let go of (things that are out with your control).
This is much more releasing than some may think. Our brains store so much info that we can worry about things without noticing.
Once the list is done, we can let that go too!
Obviously, you don't need to take any of those options above, they just options for guidance.
In my journal I have created a selfcare bingo of things that can be coloured as they are completed. That's maybe a useful thing to try out if you wish and there are many templates online too, if you'd rather not draw it yourself!
A few final thoughts: Self care is a reflective process in itself. Be gentle with yourself along the way while you learn about yourself.
There is no right or wrong way to practice self care; you know what you like and if you consider yourself quietly, you will understand what you need to do to take care of yourself.
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