A raw and reflective piece, written during a period of inner tension and questioning. This piece explores conflict, protection, and release, without offering answers.
Read slowly, or return when it feels right.
Spiritual Warfare - A Poem
Do you see yourself?
Really, see yourself?
Do you see the hurt you put out?
The pain you keep hiding from?
The anxiety that tightens in your chest.
The hurt you can't explain or express.
They won’t understand.
Just take another pill, or drink, or smoke, or scroll, or show.
Another episode. Just one more.
It will be the last one this time.
I meant one more and I’ll start fresh tomorrow.
But, when does tomorrow come?
Do you know yourself?
Really, know yourself?
Do you feel the pain you put out?
Do you see the scars you’ve hidden behind?
Push it down a litter deeper, they won’t understand.
But, what when it’s all beginning to bubble over?
What do we do when one more isn’t enough?
When one more becomes the last?
A funeral procession, followed by stories and laughs?
Do they even see themselves?
Do they even know themselves?
Because it takes one to know one
And I’ve seen and known many.
But sadly, did we even try to see ourselves?
- Chloe Boyle
Feel free to share your thoughts and comments on this below.
Here's my take on it, summarised:
I understand this poem may bring up some feelings. Sadness, maybe. Guilt, perhaps. I know it did for me when I first wrote it and delved into those feelings. Maybe it brings up other feelings in you. If it doesn't though, that's okay. Not everyone feels the same things, or in the same way, To you, they may be just words - and that's cool too.
No one is perfect, I will never claim perfection and I'm not about to go into a whole sob story, either. I put on my big girl pants and sat with those feelings. I still do when they come up. I made myself think about why those feelings came up in the first place. I may have even dwelled in some for a time.
But, it didn't help me any. For me, repeatedly analysing and going over the same feelings without change or direction made things heavier. I was stuck in them for a while.
Then one day, during a low period, I realised something simple but for me, greatly effective: feelings are meant to be felt. Not circled and dissected on repeat. Felt and released: moved.
Obviously, it's helpful to understand where they come from, but going round the why repeatedly can end up rooting you deeper in the feeling than the movement of it.
I know it is easier written than lived though, truly. I feel that in my bones.
It took a while for my inner dialogue to soften. A long while. It took practice, I wont lie. Through reflection and deliberate work, I learned to integrate darker parts of myself rather than fight them. We all experience events that bring up strong emotions. That's human.
Many of us are taught to chase positive feelings and dismiss anger, fear or grief. And that can work for a time; until it doesn't. Avoidance has a way of catching up.
I prefer honesty over sugar-coating. This isn't about forced positivity or bypassing difficult emotions. It's about awareness - noticing what is there, without dramatizing or denying it.
I tend to approach things honestly and directly. I can share what has helped me, but the responsibility for change rests with the individual person.
I choose journaling with pens and paper; meditation; prayer; relaxing in nature, and slowly rebuilding comfort in my social spaces - both online and offline. What works for one person wont suit everyone.
Not everyone is spiritual. Not everyone believes in something higher. That's cool, it is very human of us to be curious, creative and experimental. Each are valid paths individually, or collectively.
If something interests you, do your own research and explore that. If something unsettles you, gently question why. Ask yourself real, honest questions and notice what thoughts and feelings come up.
And lastly, remember the quieter parts of you - the parts that just want to feel safe and understood. Try something small to begin with and see what feels right for you. Whatever isn't forceful, but feels natural.
You learn what connects by exploring things, old and new. And you likely know yourself better than you think.
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